After the Agony, the Laundry...

So, he's gone.

Tuesday morning I woke up before dawn,
and sat outside with him as the sun came up on his last day with us.

It was a chilly morning,
and we snuggled together listening to the birds start their day,
enjoying our last moments together.

It was hard. To watch him leave us.

But he handled it beautifully,
and I sang to him and rubbed his ears as he gently passed away.

The last couple of days have been weird.
No herbs or pills, no rushing home to make sure he's alright.

It's been calm.
And I know this is what he wanted for me.
To have calm back in my life.

He thanked me, with his eyes, as he went.
For all that I had done,
all the love we shared,
and for making him comfortable these last weeks.

And so as sad as I am,
as hard as it is to not see him wagging his tail
when I walk through the door,

there is peace.

And he is ok.

And so am I.

And so, now, with a new appreciation for all that I have,
all that I am,
and all that I do,
it's back to life.

I am grateful.
For my health and heart,
"The Farm",
the sweet cottage on Hudson,
a fridge full of food,
fresh laundry (with new sheets on the bed),
my incredible life's work,
and the amazing people in my life (including YOU).

And although we all miss him,
"The Farm" is thrilled to have 'me' back.

*Pippa Squeak, Cricket Magoo, and Figueroa

*Marmalade

It's good to be 'home'.

To Benji-man Button,
wherever you are:
Thank you for being a part of this family,
for making us smile every single day,
and for leaving us with such grace.

*angel

We miss you.
Rest, my love, in peace.

xx

You're too much.

So today, we went to the beach.

I couldn't let him go without saying goodbye
to one of his favorite places.


I wondered if taking him was a bit too much.
If I was just willing him to be better than he really is.

I was stunned at the way his energy perked up
the second we arrived,
and how he dragged me, pulled me, down the beach
further and further
until I inevitably had to carry him back to the car.

*"MOM, lets GO..."

Sitting there, on the beach with him,
the cloudy sky holding us both in the breeze,
as we snuggled close,
was a moment I will never forget.

*Priceless.

I realize now that it was the best thing for him,
and for me,
to get out, see the vastness of the ocean,
witness its natural ebb and flow,
like life,
and feel comforted by the warm sand under my toes,
and the life breathed into my boy
for that short time.

For an hour, he was a puppy again.

And I am so grateful to have witnessed it.

THAT is how I will remember him,
how I will hold him in my heart.


I made peace with losing him today.
Watching him lay in the sand,
with the breeze on his face,
content,
is how he will always be to me.

And a great lesson was learned:
It is never too much
or too late,
one is never too busy
to take the time
to create the memories we hold most dear.

And I'm forever grateful.

xx