Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Me, Dee-Constructed.

What a year it has been.

I can't quite describe what exactly happened,
what prompted me to become somewhat
with my life:
my work,
my relationships,
my SELF.

After a break-up,
a change of heart in my career,
and a serious heart-to-heart
with God,
I discovered that I didn't want what I wanted anymore.
I simply wanted
what my life wanted
from me.

I committed
to discover
a new version
of my life.

The terms of this commitment
were really just that:
I would only do what I LOVED everyday.
I would only date someone who inspired me to be more,
and I would only follow my heart.
All the time,
on purpose.

I felt free.
I felt connected, secure,
deep within my soul
that I was really
for the first time

For about a month.

And then everything really changed.

The man of my dreams walked into my life.

6 weeks later, we became engaged.

2 weeks after that,
I quit my jobs,
and went to Australia to
meet his parents.

It was like the commitment I made,
to only follow my heart,
and surround it with joy and love,
came true.

There is this amazing old quote that says something like
'When we commit, Providence moves too.'

*It Did.

After a summer of laying in the hammock,
reading books,
taking road trips to Palm Springs and the Giant Forrest,
playing at the beach,
taking long walks,
I got to know not only my new love,
but even more deeply

Come Autumn,
I tried to go 'back to work'.

A Halloween party in wine country
creative directing a catalog shoot
was the perfect chance to get back on my game.

But it turns out,

I just didn't have it.

That same old passion, that same old NEED
to do what I DO.

And so,
I decided to stop.

To not try to force myself BACK
to what I had done before,
to be who I WAS before.

I just let myself BE.

And the new me wanted more.

To be of service to the planet in some way.

To affect people in a deeper way.

To make a difference.

Now, I know we all have the desire to
make the world a better place,
but WHO really has the time?

Well, now, ME, it turns out.

I was given the opportunity to
participate in a project that truly inspired me,
to art-direct the cover for a new
Deepak Chopra
meditation album.

And so I did it.

I'd never done anything exactly like it before,
but since it was so obvious that I was no longer
exactly WHO I thought I was,
what better opportunity to
try something NEW.

To bring to life a new view,
a new representation
of an iconic man
in the name of service.

*What do you think?

After the cover shoot in NYC,
walking through Times Square,
on a cold December Sunday morning,
with the Dr. himself,
I realized I was officially no longer

I was home.
In my life.

And although this past year
at times has felt
like an illusion,
like in so many ways
it is too good to be true,

It IS.
It's actually even better.

And ya know what?
the new ME,
with the
New man,
New job,
New life,

is what I've always wanted.
I just couldn't have come up with it on my own.

My life,
just simply,
had to show me the way.

And if that isn't too good to be true,
I don't know what is.